Courtney Rae (beach182bum) wrote,
Courtney Rae

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I went up north this past weekend and had A LOT of fun, which we all needed considering the terrible few months we've had. Fuzzy navels, hottub, and games all night, it was a riot... But i knew when i came home there'd be bad news waiting for me. I stayed home today because everyone else was, cept kyle, and i get up at like 9 and clean my room and put things in their places to make it look half way decent, my dad calls me downstairs to "talk" and i knew something was wrong. My dad tells me that my aunt pat has no brain activity and that their bringing her home and taking her off life support, so she'll be with everyone. So I asked she's basically going to die right? And he said yes. So yeah people, this will be the third death in my family in the past month. THREE. How can this happen? this makes me think hard about a lot of things, why do I pray every damn night if no one is REALLY listening? Sometimes i pray so hard I cry just because I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITHOUT HER. It was one thing to lose my grandma, she was old even though we didn't expect it, then my grandma loni which was kinda unexpected also. But my Aunt?! I know she's sick but God, she was always there for me my entire life and I DO BELIEVE because we all moved this is the reason all this is happening. I dont give a fuck what anyone says, oh grandma grace would have died a week later on stratford, BULLSHIT. maybe if things were a little different there we could have kept her longer. maybe if my MOTHER would have moved out and we could have stayed THINGS WOULD BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT. i'm so pissed off at the world i swear to god. i'm pissed off at myself for staying with that piece of shit for an entire year, GOD i would never in a million fucking years go back with him. NEVER EVER EVER i'm so over it its like it never happened, but yet again DID because hes a PIECE OF SHIT.

i just want my family back-when i lived on stratford i was like ok i cant wait to get outta here and live some place else. BEFORE we even moved i bawled in my room saying how much i didnt want to move out and how i wanted to stay with my aunt and grandma but not my mom. who was there when i was crying? my aunt. God i'm going to miss her so much, i don't know what the fuck im going to do. I THOUGHT THIS YEAR WAS GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE?? god help me please...

i'm still going to pray for her, so everyone please do the same:(
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