Courtney Rae (beach182bum) wrote,
Courtney Rae

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So.. this makes three, soon to be four.. My aunt Pat passed away this morning around 7:30, and I have no idea what to do with myself. We had a snowday so I was home when my aunt called, and its sick because I didn't realize the answering machine was on, and it got everything. I miss her so much i dont know what the fuck i'm going to do. On monday I went to the hospital to see her, i stayed for almost 4 hours.. my uncle craig grandma judy aunt vicki dad and uncle billy were there, i read her my letter everyone left me to do so.. i cried but i told myself i had to be strong and tell her these things because i'd wouldnt get a chance again, and i'd regret it the rest of my life. I cried so damn much.. when i walked in my grandma said to me, "she was waiting for you, you were the only one she wanted to see" ahh i'm so fricking sad..
Everyone told me, "you were her baby" this is like losing a mom but she was much more of a mom than my own..

God I miss her..

On top of that, my uncle is going to die, he had heart failure and a collapsed lung and has been in hospice for about 12 days.. so this makes four funerals in less than two months.. God what is happening??

I want to thank everyone for being there though i love you guys:( I love you Shavon we'll be okay I promise..

and just to let you know, i missed out on way better things too.. thankfully i have them in my life now though.

rip aunt Pat, i'll never forget you i love you so fricking much:(

fuckkkkk i hate this.

I told myself if she died i wouldnt believe in God anymore, shes gone, and i dont believe in him because he wouldnt do this to anyone.
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